The Myth of Balance: Why Chaos Might Actually Mean You’re Doing Fine

Rachelle Oblack
Oct 25
6 min read

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Monday morning started like a scene from a low budget sitcom. I was late, the coffee filter collapsed, and the dog somehow ate a sock again. My planner sat open with five neat boxes labeled Focus, and

Stress and Chaos. Can Chaos Prove You Are Fine?

not one of them was happening. Somewhere between hunting for clean jeans and trying to remember if I fed the dog, I realized something important. Maybe chaos is not failure. Maybe it is proof that I am still showing up.

We have been sold the fantasy that balance means everything hums in perfect harmony. Career, family, health, and relationships all moving in sync, color coded, and curated like a Pinterest board that never unravels. The idea sounds comforting, but it’s quietly toxic. It tells us that calm equals control, and that chaos means failure. That if we just “manage our time better,” we’ll finally arrive at some mythical state of peace where the laundry’s folded, the inbox is empty, and our skin glows from eight hours of sleep and kale. Spoiler: that place doesn’t exist.

The pressure to appear balanced doesn’t create calm; it creates performance anxiety. You start treating your life like a public-facing project instead of a living, breathing experience. Every moment becomes a metric. You ask yourself, “Do I look like I have it together?” instead of, “Do I feel okay today?” That shift is brutal because it keeps you chasing the illusion instead of listening to what actually needs care.

And here’s the kicker...people who look balanced are usually just better at hiding the chaos. You can keep the surface polished for a while, but the cost is burnout, resentment, and constant self-editing. Balance, as we’ve been taught, is more about optics than peace. Real peace is quieter, less photogenic, and often messier. It’s not about everything working at once; it’s about learning which things can wait and being okay with that.

Struggle is NOT Weakness

That deserves to be repeated, because most of us miss it in real time. Struggle is not weakness. Struggle is data. It is feedback from your life saying, “Something needs attention.” When things feel off, it’s not proof that you’re failing—it’s your signal to look closer. Maybe you’re stretched too thin. Maybe you’re chasing something that doesn’t fit anymore. Or maybe you’re just human, running low on bandwidth.

When you start to see struggle as data instead of a character flaw, you take the shame out of the equation. You begin to ask smarter questions: What’s draining me? What can I drop or delegate? What needs to change so this stops repeating? That’s where growth actually happens—not when you finally “get it together,” but when you stop pretending you already have.

The goal isn’t to juggle everything flawlessly; it’s to keep showing up, paying attention, and adjusting as you go. That’s how balance is built—not in silence and stillness, but in movement and course correction. If you’re still trying, still tweaking, still figuring it out, you’re doing better than you think.

Reflection Question 1: When was the last time you felt off balance, and instead of fixing it, you let yourself be human for a minute?

From Balance to Sustainability

Balance implies control. Sustainability invites consistency. And that difference changes everything. Balance is the tightrope act carefully managing every area of your life, terrified that one wrong move will send everything crashing. Sustainability is the long game. It asks, “What can I actually keep doing when life hits hard?” Because let’s be honest, life is less about perfect equilibrium and more about recovering faster when things tilt.

You cannot balance a life that keeps shifting. The kids get sick, deadlines pile up, motivation dips, and somehow you still have to remember to buy toilet paper. Balance says you’re behind. Sustainability says, “Let’s build something that still works on the bad days.” It’s about designing habits and systems that flex with you instead of break against you. Small, repeatable choices that keep your head above water, even when everything else feels like it’s sinking.

Recent studies on stress and life satisfaction show that people are happier when they focus on steady, realistic habits instead of chasing perfection. Balance is a snapshot, while sustainability is a lifestyle. The difference is grace. Grace to reset, to rest, and to stop overcorrecting every time life veers off course.

Balance is a snapshot, while sustainability is a lifestyle. The difference is grace.

Try asking yourself one simple question each morning: What could I do today that would make

tomorrow easier? Maybe it’s setting out your clothes. Maybe it’s prepping your lunch. Maybe it’s choosing not to say yes to that extra commitment. Those micro-decisions compound. They create rhythm, not rigidity. And rhythm, not balance, is what keeps you going.

Reflection Question 2: What small habit would make your days smoother if you stopped treating it like a luxury and started treating it like maintenance?

So What Now?

Here’s where chaos becomes fuel. You do not need to overhaul your life. You just need a few friction removers that make survival smoother.

The Two Minute Sweep
Before bed or before you sit down to work, spend two minutes clearing one tiny zone. Your desk, the kitchen counter, or the car seat. It is not cleaning, it is reclaiming. This resets your brain so you start from clarity, not clutter.
The One Thing List
Skip the ten point list. Write down one thing that would make today feel successful if you only did that. Do it first, even if it is small. This anchors your day in completion instead of chaos and builds quiet momentum.
The Honest Reset
When the spiral starts, say out loud, This is messy, but not unfixable. Then pick one physical action. Drink water, walk outside, or breathe for sixty seconds. It will not solve everything, but it stops the slide long enough to regain traction.

Why these work: Small adjustments protect attention and energy. Short tasks create quick wins, which lowers stress and helps you recover faster from daily bumps. Tiny moves stack into real change because you can actually keep doing them.

Why Chaos Truly Is Your Friend

Here is the plot twist. Your chaos means you actually care. It means you are still trying, still showing

up, still refusing to tap out. Hot Mess Energy is not a flaw, it’s resilience in motion. It’s the badge of people who keep moving even when nothing looks polished. The ones who know that progress isn’t always pretty, and that surviving a hard day sometimes counts as the win.

Hot Mess Energy is the messy middle between burnout and breakthrough. It’s the reminder that effort still matters even when outcomes don’t line up neatly. The dishes are stacked, the inbox is loud, but you’re still here breathing, adjusting, and caring. That’s not failure. That’s life happening in real time. You’re allowed to be both grateful and tired, hopeful and irritated, capable and confused. Those things can coexist, and (again, plot twist...) they usually do.

You do not need perfect balance. You need permission to live in motion, to wobble without quitting, to reset without shame. Resilience isn’t the ability to stay steady, it’s the decision to keep returning to center, again and again, even when the center keeps moving.

So the next time you feel like you’re falling behind, remember this: the people who seem to have it together are just better at curating their chaos. Yours is not something to hide. It’s proof you’re still in the game, still showing up, still refusing to go numb. That’s not a mess. It’s momentum.