When You Die, Who Gets the Lava Lamp?
- Rachelle Oblack
- Apr 28
- 7 min read
Updated: Aug 5
COMMON QUESTIONS ABOUT INHERITANCE
(Gen X Edition: Because Someone Has to Be the Adult Now)
Let’s be real: talking about inheritance is about as fun as planning your own colonoscopy. But guess what? If you’re part of the Gen X sandwich—aging parents above, grown-ish kids below—you’re smack in the middle of one of life’s most confusing, emotionally-charged obstacle courses: managing inheritance while still trying to figure out if you actually remembered to pay the electric bill.
So in the spirit of “no BS,” let’s break this down. Here are the most common questions people ask when a loved one dies (or before one does), rewritten for those of us who were raised on cynicism, sarcasm, and latchkey independence.
Disclaimer: We’re not your lawyer, and we definitely don’t want to be. Laws vary by state. This is your nudge to call a qualified attorney once you’ve had your coffee. And yes, there are a few affiliate links to Amazon products, from which I make a small commission, in this article for relevant estate planning products because this business is my plan to help my own family!
DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH PROBATE?
Short answer: probably. Long answer: still probably.
Probate is the legal process where a court validates a will, settles any lingering debts (hello, medical bills and credit card madness), and then distributes what’s left to the rightful heirs. If the deceased had a will, probate helps legitimize it. If there’s no will—well, buckle up. You’re now riding the state’s intestacy laws rollercoaster, and it’s not a smooth one.
Some assets, like life insurance policies, retirement accounts with named beneficiaries, or jointly owned property, can skip probate. But most of the juicy drama—aka the family house, the bank accounts, the “what do we do with Dad’s coin collection”—goes through probate unless a trust or solid estate plan was in place.
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WHAT DOES AN EXECUTOR ACTUALLY DO?
Think of the executor as the unpaid, emotionally exhausted project manager of the “Death Admin Department.” They’re in charge of tracking down assets, paying off debts, filing paperwork, and keeping Aunt Carol from looting Grandma’s jewelry before the will is even cold.
The executor must act in the best interest of the estate—not themselves. That means no funny business, no sneaky “well they would have wanted me to have it” grabs, and full transparency with beneficiaries. It’s a job, and yes, you can be sued if you screw it up.
Pro tip: If you’re named the executor and have no idea what you’re doing (which is normal), hire an estate attorney or probate specialist. Trust us—future you will be grateful.
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WILL I GET ANYTHING FROM THE ESTATE?
Ah, the million-dollar question—sometimes literally. The answer? It depends. (Don’t you love that?)
If there’s a valid will and you’re named in it, then yes, you’re likely getting something. If there’s no will, state intestacy laws will determine the heir hierarchy, usually starting with the spouse and kids, and then working their way out to siblings, nieces, nephews, etc.
Keep in mind: whatever you might inherit is what’s left after debts, taxes, and administrative fees. So if the estate includes a $500,000 house but $450,000 in debt, don’t start pre-shopping for your dream vacation just yet.
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WHAT MAKES A WILL INVALID?
Wills can be invalidated faster than you can say, “Are you sure that’s their signature?”
Common reasons a will gets tossed in the legal garbage:
- It wasn’t signed correctly (each state has specific rules about witnesses, signatures, and notarization)
- The person lacked capacity (meaning they didn’t understand what they were signing)
- They were under undue influence (think manipulative caregivers or controlling adult children)
- A newer will exists that overrides the old one
Some states even allow for “holographic wills” (handwritten, often unwitnessed), but those are more likely to spark drama and court time. Moral of the story? If it looks shady, sounds shady, or feels like it came from a Lifetime movie, it’s probably going to be challenged.
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WHAT IS A TRUST—AND DO I NEED ONE?
Ah yes, the trust: the estate planning tool for people who want to keep things neat, private, and out of probate court. Think of a trust like a vault—you place your assets inside, name a trustee to guard them, and set conditions for how and when the stuff inside gets handed out.
Trusts can be revocable (you control it while you’re alive) or *irrevocable* (you hand over the reins entirely). They’re great for avoiding probate, protecting minor children, shielding assets from certain taxes, or making sure your deadbeat cousin doesn’t get your vinyl collection unless he actually finishes rehab.
But here’s the kicker: trusts need to be set up correctly, funded properly (meaning you have to put stuff in it), and updated as your life changes. Otherwise, it’s just a very fancy, very expensive piece of paper.
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WHAT HAPPENS IF SOMEONE DIES WITHOUT A WILL?
Welcome to “Intestacy,” a fancy legal word that basically means: no will, no plan, and a lot of potential family drama.
If someone dies without a will, the state steps in like a very impersonal project manager and distributes the estate based on a preset formula. Spouse usually comes first, followed by kids, then parents, siblings, nieces, and that one cousin who still lives in the basement. Romantic partners? Not even in the top five unless you’re legally married. Sorry, Todd.
Also, fun fact: the court picks the administrator (aka, the person in charge), which might not be the person anyone would’ve chosen. Want to avoid your ex-spouse’s sister-in-law handling your legacy? Write a will.
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DO I HAVE TO PAY TAXES ON MY INHERITANCE?
Let’s get one thing straight: you probably don’t have to pay federal inheritance tax—because the IRS doesn’t even have one. They have an estate tax, but only for estates worth over $13.61 million as of 2024. So unless you’re inheriting a vineyard in Napa and a Tesla made of diamonds, you’re off the hook.
BUT—(and there’s always a “but”)—some states do have inheritance taxes. Currently, Iowa, Kentucky, Maryland, Nebraska, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania like to dip into your grief wallet. And even if there’s no tax on the inheritance itself, capital gains taxes could apply later if you sell what you inherit and it’s gained in value.
Bottom line? Before you cash that check or sell Grandma’s rental property, talk to a tax pro. Or at least Google it with the same intensity you used for 90s song lyrics.
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CAN YOU JUST WRITE A WILL ON A NAPKIN?
Technically? In some states, yes. But should you? Absolutely not.
“Holographic wills” (handwritten, often unwitnessed) are legal in a handful of states—but they're more likely to land your family in court than in closure. Sure, you might have seen it in a movie: some grizzled old guy scrawling his final wishes in Sharpie before keeling over. In reality, these wills often get contested and rejected for being unclear, unsigned, or just straight-up suspicious.
A legit will needs to meet state-specific rules about who signs it, who witnesses it, and whether the person writing it had the mental capacity to do so. Ditch the diner napkin and get a real will made. Your kids will thank you later.
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SHOULD I TALK TO MY FAMILY ABOUT WHAT I’M PLANNING?
Look, we know you’d rather fake your own death than initiate a family meeting about what happens after your actual death. But guess what? Not talking about your estate plan now guarantees someone will fight about it later—probably on Facebook, with screenshots.
You don’t need to go full PowerPoint presentation, but at least tell your people where your important documents are and what your general wishes are. Let them know who the executor is. Clarify if the house is being sold or inherited. Tell them why you’re leaving the Mustang to your godson and not your adult daughter. Get ahead of the tension, or it’ll get ahead of you.
HOW DO I AVOID LEAVING A MESS BEHIND?
You already know the answer, but here’s the list anyway:
✅ Make a will
✅ Consider a trust if you’ve got property, kids, or assets you want to control after death
✅ Name beneficiaries on everything: retirement accounts, life insurance, bank accounts
✅ Keep a file (digital or physical) with your passwords, account info, funeral wishes, and emergency contacts
✅ Write a letter to your executor with instructions, tone, or even a playlist if you’re dramatic
✅ Check in every couple years and update when life changes (divorce, marriage, kids, lottery wins, etc.)
Don’t make your family go on a scavenger hunt for your will while also grieving. That’s not a legacy—it’s an unpaid escape room.
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OKAY, SO WHERE DO I START?
Right here. If you’re over 40 and still haven’t written a will, this is your permission slip to adult just long enough to get it done.
Start by:
Googling “estate planning attorney near me” (or using a reputable online service like LegalZoom or Trust & Will if your estate is simple)
Reading a good book on estate planning like this best seller on Amazon Estate Planning & Living Trusts Blueprint
Gathering your documents (deeds, bank accounts, insurance policies, titles, and yes, passwords)
Talking to the people you trust about your wishes.
Getting The Final Chapter Planner made specifically for organizing your end of life documents
Writing it down. All of it. In ink. With witnesses.
Because planning your estate isn’t morbid—it’s mature. It’s your last act of love. And if we’re being real… it’s one of the few things you can control in a world full of chaos, taxes, and group texts you never asked to be part of.
FINAL THOUGHT: YOU’RE NOT TOO YOUNG, TOO BROKE, OR TOO “UNIMPORTANT”
If you have a bank account, a pet, a child, a weird antique lamp collection, or just opinions about what happens to your stuff—you need a plan.
Inheritance is about more than money. It’s about clarity, dignity, and not making your grieving loved ones fight over your cookware. The system is confusing, the paperwork is annoying, and nobody’s exactly thrilled to tackle this… but you, my friend, are Gen X. We’re built for the stuff no one else wants to deal with.
So go write your will. And then go live your life.
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